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Receiving My Diagnosis
I was 21 during the Coronavirus pandemic when I was first diagnosed with bipolar II disorder after an inpatient hospitalization for mental health. Prior to my hospitalization, I was misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder. Looking back on it, I had been exhibiting symptoms of anxiety and bipolar for a very long time. I was not only an anxious child, but a teenager who struggled to get out of bed as well.
“Caitlyn’s sleeping in again,” was a phrase commonly heard in my household. Everyone thought that I was just tired, or going through the normal teenage moodiness symptoms, when I was actually depressed and good at masking it. Of course, as a teenager, I didn’t know that I was dealing with a mental health condition at all. Once I did, I found multiple things that helped me learn to cope with having a mental illness.
And there are many things that have helped me heal in my journey with bipolar II, including my inpatient stay at the hospital, a partial hospitalization program, and weekly outpatient therapy with a wonderful provider. But what has helped the most has been finding a kind community of peers who have been through similar struggles. I’ve found that through my local chapter of NAMI, or the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
My Journey Toward NAMI
In many ways, NAMI Montgomery County Maryland found me; I didn’t seek out their services. One day, my mom was shopping at our local mall and struck up a conversation with a stranger about their children and mental health. This woman also had a daughter who lived with bipolar II.
Although I did not hear her story directly, my mother came home hopeful because this was the first time we had heard of someone else being on my medication–Lamictal, a mood stabilizer–and not only surviving but living well with it. My mom left the conversation with a referral to our local NAMI, feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time because this woman was very kind and convinced that I, too, could live well with bipolar II.
My First Support Group Around a week later, I joined my very first NAMI support group. I was very nervous before logging on, and gave myself so many excuses as to why I didn’t have to. But I did, and doing so was the best decision I had ever made, for NAMI people were some of the kindest humans I had ever met.
I vividly remember talking about whether or not I wanted to go to residential treatment as the next step in my treatment plan. The moderators, who were very empathetic and practical, gave me around 25 minutes to talk and seek support from the group.
At everyone’s advice, I elected to try a partial hospitalization program first, and that was the right decision for me. I remember being incredibly relieved to find such a caring peer group, and am forever indebted to NAMI for providing me with such compassionate support when I needed it the most.
Lessons Learned from Peer Support
There are many, many things I have learned from being a regular attendee of NAMI’s support groups these past few years. One of them being that I think that everyone, whether or not you have a full-fledged mental health diagnosis, should take advantage of peer support, because peer support is powerful.
Two other lessons I’ve learned from my time with NAMI are that there is healing power in kindness, and one should never give up hope. NAMI groups taught me to not only never treat anyone’s pain as less than my own, but to above all else, be kind. I’d like to think that kindness radiates out to other parts of my life.
Call to Action
Just as though NAMI support groups have given me a kind, safe space to fall back on, I try to always be kind, for out in the world I never know what anyone else is going through. I hope that you, too, realize the power of both kindness and peer support, and check out resources at https://www.nami.org/find-your-local-nami/ if you are struggling. Remember that there is always kindness to be found in this world, and to never give up hope.
Finding Hope 